


'cause i just need to be reminded who i am

by zombierump



Series: remember where you want to go [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Coming Out, ftm!Blaine, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-29
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-11-18 10:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombierump/pseuds/zombierump
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blaine imagines telling Kurt, every situation is different, but none of them were like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'cause i just need to be reminded who i am

**Author's Note:**

> Some people wanted a follow up to my first ftm!Blaine fic and I decided to go ahead and write one. It's been a rough couple of days for me and so this might not be up to standard (or even worthy of standing next to the first fic), but I hope you enjoy.

There was a space between Kurt and  _Kurt_  where Blaine spent a lot of time wondering how things would change when he told this wonderful, beautiful boy his secret. Sometimes he would imagine the look on his face and each time was different. At first he thought Kurt might be mad, or upset, and yell at Blaine for it, but then the idea shifted, changing and swirling into Kurt accepting him, opening his arms and letting Blaine mumble everything into the soft crook of his neck. 

When Blaine finally worked up the nerve and made the idea real, Kurt was still and his face showed nothing. He stared into his coffee, silent until the bell over the door jingled, announcing a new customer. Then he looked up at Blaine, mouth pulling into a frown, and asked him what that meant. Blaine tried to explain, tried to say it clinically without opening the door to his pain, his frustration, his shame. Kurt bobbed his head, mouth still curved down and brow still furrowed. He tapped his fingers against the table top, his nervous habit, and Blaine couldn’t take it.

He choked up, voice tapering off and throat closing. He shook his head, shook his hands, and felt a tiny piece of him shiver with fear and desperation. He tried to convey his thoughts into words ( _please don’t hurt me, please don’t leave me, please understand, please know i’m still me_ ), but it was as if he was drowning, drawing water into his lungs with every breath. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t stop breaking apart. All his pieces were coming unglued and he couldn’t stop trembling long enough to put them back together.

Blaine felt Kurt’s hands on him, heard his voice ( _breathe, just breathe, please blaine just breathe_ ) and he drew air in giant gulps, breathed in the scent of coffee and Kurt. His world quit spinning, went bright, and he leaned against his wonderful, beautiful boy that was still there, was still touching him and holding him and stroking his curls. He leaned into Kurt, tucked his face into his throat, and waited for the blood to stop rushing in his ears, for his heart to stop its pounding beat.

He pressed his trembling hands against Kurt’s back, felt the strong ( _never going to be broken, never going to break this wonderful, beautiful boy_ ) curve of it through his coat, and curled his fingers into needy, soft hooks, clinging for one long moment and trying to memorize everything to pull out on a day when the world got the better of him. He felt Kurt drawing back and clung to him tighter, not ready to give any of it up just yet, but Kurt let him go and so he dropped his arms, dropped his head, and closed his eyes. He did not need to see anything, did not want to see Kurt’s pity or the concern of the other customers or the disgust of that eavesdropping old couple. If Blaine closed his eyes tight enough, it all went black, disappeared, and he could pretend that he did not tell Kurt, that he did not ruin their friendship, and that everything was okay, everything was alright. He was still safe, still small, still invisible.

But everything was not okay, was not alright, and Blaine would never be small or invisible to Kurt ever again. He was laid open now, chest and head pulled apart and a light shining on all of him. It hurt to be this open, to be this vulnerable, and Blaine could feel his pieces shivering again, but then Kurt was tilting his chin up, looking at him, and telling him it was okay, it was alright, he was still Blaine and just like that, he was safe again with this wonderful, beautiful boy. 

  



End file.
